Much Ado About a Matchmaker
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: modern day oneshot of Much Ado. Pedro Don has to resolve the problem between his employees Benedick and Beatrice, the local bartender suggests matchmaking


**Author's Note: hi, this is part of my Uni assingment. i need you all to do me a big favour and be critical about the humour in your reviews if you're reviewing before the 18th November. if you're reviewing after 18/11/10 then just enjoy!**

It is common knowledge that Beatrice and Benedick would argue until pigs start to fly or hell freezes over. A time had come when their teachers had given up trying to calm them down and fellow classmates kept a pack of paracetamol on them at all times. Even now, long after Beatrice and Benedick left school, the teachers' ears still rang with their shouts.

Despite the short break that travelling, university or employment would have filled, it seemed that Beatrice and Benedick still hated each other as passionately as before. The fact that they are now under the employment of Pedro Don made the poor employer wonder if someone up there hated him. Every staff meeting he spent more time negotiating between the two than holding an actual meeting.

"I like it to be noted that this woman is a complete uptight, frigid nag!" Benedick spat out.

"And I like it to be noted that this man is an ass!" Beatrice retorted.

Pedro privately wondered if it was too soon for another aspirin, his last does was half an hour ago and he can already feel another headache coming along. "Beatrice, Benedick, please I'm begging you. Leave your private life outside of this room or you can leave your jobs now because none of us needs to listen to this. Now John, the report please," as his half-brother stood up to give the report Pedro noticed his PA, Hero and Claudio flirting from the corner of his eyes, "private lives outside or no job includes you two too," he informed them, inwardly chuckling at their red faces.

Sometimes it was very good to be the boss.

"Have you ever thought of matchmaking them?"

Pedro looked up startled at his bartender's question. The Dogberry had been his favourite haunt after a hard day's worth of work. The bartender, Leonato, happened to be a friend of his father's and the father of his PA and therefore reliable for him to be confided in him. Now Pedro was wondering if the old man is developing dementia or something. Match make Beatrice and Benedick?

"They hate each other!" was his instant, rather spluttered reply. "They hate each other so much that I think they make Tybalt and Mercutio would have been better lovers than Romeo and Juliet, that's just how much they hate each other."

"There is a very fine line between hate and love," Leonato said chuckling, "I'm sure in a different time where homosexuality wasn't considered-"

"Don't finish that sentence!" Pedro interrupted. "I don't really want to discuss the possible homosexuality within Shakespeare, leave that to the academics. My problem is Beatrice and Benedick, they're both very fine employees but the arguments! We might lose stockholders if they're not careful enough."

Leonato smiled patiently, "as I was going to say, there is a fine line between hate and love. I do recall a time when Beatrice was barely fifteen, she was very smitten with Benedick back then," Pedro snorted. He doubted that very much. "But something happened," Leonato continued as if Pedro never made a sound, "she was disappointed I suppose and so was he. That's when the arguments started. They have grown since then, I am sure given the chance they can have a very loving and mature relationship with one another."

"And that would stop the arguments?" Pedro said disbelievingly. "A relationship? And if it falls apart I would be stuck in an even worse situation, you do realise that, don't you?"

Leonato had a grin that suited a sixteen year old boy instead of a sixty year old man. "My dear boy, I think you should be more worried about whether or not they'll tear each other's clothes off in public."

Pedro groaned.

After the long-thought out plan had been told to the others, Claudio was the first to question it. "Why can't we just lock them in a cupboard and be done with it? Don't you think this might be a little too much?"

"It does seem a little complicated," Hero agreed.

"I'm not locking them in a cupboard not only because it's too clichéd but because they're more likely to kill each other than realise they're in love with one another," Pedro said firmly, "also it took weeks to disinfect the cupboard after you two had your fun."

Both Hero and Claudio looked away with shame and embarrassment while John snickered. His eyes flickered towards the door, "don't look now but Benedick is on his way," he murmured to his brother.

"Is what you say is true, Hero? Is Beatrice truly in love with Benedick?" Pedro said loudly.

To John's amusement Benedick dramatically threw himself against the wall and was peering round through the door. "Oh, yes, sir," Hero said sweetly. "I would never lie on such a serious matter. She had come to me in tears just last night, claiming that she was driven insane with her passion for Benedick. How heartbroken she is that he does nothing but insult her and how worse would he be if he found out? He surely will make her life worse than hell! She's thinking of transferring."

"Why I never!" Claudio burst out. "We can't have that! Beatrice is one of the best of the business, I swear if Benedick makes her transfer I'll...I'll...I'll..."

"Stutter at him?" John said coolly causing Claudio to flush. A loud crash prevented Claudio in making some sort of retort and they turned to see Benedick apologising profusely to Beatrice as he helped her pick up her papers.

"I must say Beatrice you look...erm...ravishing this morning," Benedick said struggling to find a compliment.

Beatrice looked at him sceptically. "Are you making fun of me?" she demanded.

The others had difficulty holding their laughter as Benedick tried to tell her how sincere he was without stuttering.

"Are you sure, Claudio?"

"Of course I am, I've never seen Benedick so crazed! He's saying all sorts, like if Beatrice never returns his love he'll throw himself off the roof!"

Beatrice who had been hiding under Hero's desk (well she was kneeling down to pick something she knocked off the desk up when Hero appeared with Claudio) gasped loudly. She immediately smacked her hand over her mouth hoping that Hero hadn't heard her.

"Never! Benedick is one of the most alive men I've known."

"I know but Beatrice's disdain for him is breaking his heart. All he wants is just to see her smile at him, just once, he said."

"Oh how sweet, I do hope that Beatrice would get over herself and give him a chance."

"Speaking of sweet things..."

Much to Beatrice's horror Hero's things fell off the desk as the sound of Hero and Claudio making out on the desk could be heard. She curled up and covered her ears hoping that it would be over soon.

"That was cruel, very cruel," John said smirking.

"Her own fault for eavesdropping," Hero sniggered. "I know we arranged it for her to eavesdrop but still if she's going to do it she has to live through the consequences."

It's been three weeks since Pedro's plan had been put into action. For the first time ever there was peace and quiet in the office as Benedick and Beatrice were trying to please one another instead of provoking.

Everyone turned to watch the two as they were awkwardly trying to pass one another but keep stepping in front of each other. Rather annoying and embarrassing.

"As much as I enjoy the peace," Pedro said, "I must say that is just as annoying. The meetings take twice as long now as they take forever to get in and out of the boardroom."

There was a moment of silence before Claudio made his suggestion;

"Cupboard?"


End file.
